TL
THE LIST
Someone ranked Hogwarts’ most dateable students, and the castle has officially lost its mind. Friendships are cracking, egos are bleeding, and everyone wants to know who put them where—and why.
💬 802.5k
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MA
MATT
CURRENTLY ON BREAK 🤍
hi i’m matt and this is my archive ♡
previously @satoru
lcwliet on disc for reqs.
copying = blocked.
Stories
IK
i know that ass—
A photograph. No face. No clues. Absolutely nobody can tell who it is. Mattheo knows immediately—for one simple reason: apparently, he has a PhD in {Y/n}ology.
💬 684.5k
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TD
the dark lord has entered the chat
Someone added Voldemort to the Hogwarts GC, and nobody is admitting who did it. He’s decided to stay—and he’s clocking everyone, reading them to filth, and exposing the things they desperately hoped he’d never notice.
💬 423.6k
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MM
match made in MAGIC 💜
Hogwarts gets a magical dating app that promises to find everyone’s most compatible person. Unfortunately, the matches are suspiciously accurate—and nobody is emotionally prepared to discover who the magic thinks they belong with.
💬 372.9k
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TF
texts from hogwarts
No plot. No prophecy. No impending doom. Just Hogwarts students with access to a group chat and absolutely no adult supervision, which somehow turns every conversation into a catastrophe.
💬 288.6k
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AN
Account Not Found
Draco Malfoy’s TikTok suddenly says “Account Not Found”—but only for you. Everyone else can see his profile perfectly fine. Now the Hogwarts GC has one question: why did Draco block you?
💬 277.8k
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ST
sorting things out 💋
Mattheo cheated. Ava knows you’re his girlfriend—and she couldn’t care less. She’s convinced he chose her for a reason. Now the Slytherin girls’ group chat is about to find out exactly what that reason was.
💬 211.6k
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SA
SOMETHING ABOUT YOU
You never tried to stand out at Nekoma. Somehow, that is exactly what made Kuroo notice you.
💬 181.5k
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SO
SUGAR ON MY TONGUE
Mattheo Riddle CANNOT stop talking about you. The problem? You were accidentally added to the Slytherin group chat—and nobody realizes you’re there.
💬 173.9k
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I3
it’s 3:00 AM..
Fred Weasley only asked if anyone was awake. Five minutes later, the entire Hogwarts group chat is online, secrets are spilling, accusations are flying, and nobody remembers how this became a crisis.
💬 167.4k
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GW
guess we both ain’t shit 🤷♀️
You’ve both been cheating, but Mattheo is the only one stupid enough to think he has the moral high ground. When you refuse to care, his anger turns into something far more humiliating: begging you to want him again.
💬 151.1k
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OO
ONLY ONE
Tooru Oikawa insists you’re the only one he loves. Unfortunately, he makes everyone else feel special too.
💬 135.4k
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WN
we need to talk.
Mattheo Riddle has a secret, and her name is Valerie. The Slytherin girls have the receipts. Now you, Mattheo, and Valerie are trapped in the same group chat.
💬 128.8k
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AA
ANONYMOUS, APPARENTLY
Fred and George thought they’d invented harmless entertainment. Instead, their magical Slam Book starts exposing crushes, grudges, secrets, and exactly what Hogwarts really thinks about everyone.
💬 126.6k
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GW
GOSSIP WITCH
Someone at Hogwarts knows everyone’s secrets, and they’ve decided to start posting. Crushes, feuds, detentions, hookups, and humiliating mistakes are suddenly public knowledge—and nobody knows who’s holding the quill.
💬 123.3k
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GW
GINNY WOULD KILL US.
Fred Weasley was supposed to be your best friend’s annoying older brother. Somehow, he became the person you always look for.
💬 106.9k
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KO
KEEP OR KILL
Light Yagami built his world on certainty. Then you became the one thing he could never calculate.
💬 79.8k
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WT
WORTH THE RISK
You stopped believing in love a long time ago. Cedric Diggory made you wonder if you were only waiting for the right person.
💬 71.1k
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SF
stop flirting in the gc.
You and Mattheo Riddle insist you can’t stand each other, but your arguments have become suspiciously indistinguishable from flirting. The Slytherin group chat has noticed—and they’re absolutely sick of it.
💬 55.7k
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TH
the hogwarts superlatives
Hogwarts starts voting on superlatives. It’s supposed to be harmless—until the categories get personal, the accusations start flying, and everyone’s secrets, crushes, and reputations are suddenly up for debate. Nobody is safe.
💬 50.1k
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MA
Men Are A Mistake.
The Slytherin girls’ private group chat was never meant to be found. Especially not by Draco Malfoy. One wrong tap changes everything. Some messages should have stayed unread.
💬 49.2k
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ST
shake that (br)ass!
One video. One dance. One very quiet Mattheo Riddle. The Slytherin group chat notices exactly how many times he watches it—and suddenly, everyone wants to know what the hell is going on.
💬 45.7k
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BT
BEYOND THE LEGEND
A new school, a new world, and a legend you never expected. At Hogwarts, you discover there’s more to Harry Potter than his name.
💬 41k
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BO
BED OF THORNS
You were supposed to be Mattheo Riddle’s biggest regret—NOT in his group chat. Then Lorenzo accidentally adds you, and Mattheo starts confessing he wants you back.
💬 40k
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LO
LOCKDOWN
Hogwarts is on lockdown. The professors are panicking, Hermione is reading the instructions, and the GC is making memes. Nobody is taking the emergency seriously—and somehow, that becomes the biggest problem.
💬 39.8k
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