At the beginning of seventh year, texts started being sent to everyone. Unknown number. No way to track it. Sharing secrets nobody should know about. Each one contains secrets about students. Every text ends with the same signature: — XOXO, Serpent
One drunken text message accidentally turns a deeply dysfunctional Slytherin friend group into a full-scale emotional crime scene investigation, and suddenly nobody knows how to act around each other anymore.
It was supposed to be a chill night in with the girls. The boys wanted a boy night so the girls decided to just relax and gossip. Then the calls start coming in. Drunk dial after drunk dial from the guys.
Y/n has fancied Mattheo Riddle for months. It’s obvious to anyone with eyes. Unfortunately, he is the only one who does not see it, being completely oblivious. Every time they interact, y/n texts Pansy. Except for this time. Curious, he texts back. Pretending to be Pansy.
One badly timed Amortentia accident forces emotionally constipated Slytherins to publicly experience each other’s subconscious attachment issues for twenty-four consecutive hours, and Hogwarts may never recover socially.
Theo is jealous. he’s been jealous for the past 157 days. that is when y/n started dating Rowan Buckley, and he hates it. So when she comes up to him saying she wants to break it off, he is right there telling her how to do it. except every time she tries, she chickens out and ends up not doing it. so he will break up with him for her.
It’s the middle of dinner in the Great Hall when everyone gets the notification, the Hogwarts Gossip page, spreading a new rumour that Sirius Black is in love with his best friend, y/n. the issue? it is completely true and his biggest secret, one he is still trying to deny.
Theodore Nott accidentally calls Y/N his wife before he’s technically proposed yet, and suddenly surviving his own friend group becomes significantly harder than planning the proposal itself.
James Potter just posted a selfie. Not strange, he posts all the time. The thing is, this time he is standing in the mirror shirtless… and y/n is lounging on his bed in his shirt.
Its been 3 years since y/n moved to France to study potions, a very prestigious apprenticeship that she got when she graduated Hogwarts. But it’s over now and she is all moved back to London.
Eight emotionally dysfunctional Slytherins hold PowerPoint night as a joke and accidentally turn the Slytherin common room into a live televised psychological evaluation.
Theodore Nott just posted a selfie. Not strange, he posts all the time. The thing is, this time he is standing in the mirror shirtless… and y/n is lounging on his bed in his shirt.
Theodore Nott accidentally calls Y/N “my wife” in the group chat and proceeds to experience social death while the rest of the Slytherins celebrate like they’ve personally witnessed a historic event.
Y/N starts receiving anonymous letters from a secret admirer at Hogwarts, and the Slytherin friend group handles the situation with all the emotional maturity of a collapsing government.