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The Niffler Incident | SFG

You & Pansy find Enzo covered in bubbles, bathing a Niffler with Draco’s outrageously expensive imported shampoo. Unfortunately, Draco is about to find out, and Enzo genuinely doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about.

Alternate Universe - Canon DivergenceHogwartsCrackNifflers (Harry Potter)Slytherins Being SlytherinsSassy Draco MalfoySlice of Life
@dreadfulpenny·

Published

1k

The first indication that something was terribly wrong was the singing. The second was the splashing. The third was the unmistakable smell of something that cost more than most people’s monthly allowance.

Pansy Parkinson stopped outside the Slytherin bathrooms, narrowing her eyes.

Pansy Parkinson

There he is. I’ve been looking for that idiot for twenty minutes.

She pushed the door open. And stopped dead. Bubbles drifted through the air. Water covered the green marble floor. Towels lay in sodden heaps. And sitting in the enormous bathtub, wearing swim trunks and covered in suds, was Lorenzo Berkshire. Nestled against his chest was a small black Niffler, its round belly protruding from a mountain of foam.

Lorenzo Berkshire

Oh, hello!

Enzo beamed at Pansy and Y/N.

Lorenzo Berkshire

Look what I found!

The Niffler chirped, proudly displaying a gold cufflink.

Pansy stared.

Pansy Parkinson

Lorenzo.

Lorenzo Berkshire

Isn’t he adorable?

Pansy Parkinson

Lorenzo.

Lorenzo Berkshire

He was absolutely filthy. You should’ve seen him.

Pansy Parkinson

Lorenzo, what the hell is that smell?

Enzo glanced around, puzzled.

Lorenzo Berkshire

Shampoo?

Pansy’s gaze landed on the elegant bottle beside the tub. Her expression changed.

Pansy Parkinson

Oh, no.

Lorenzo Berkshire

What?

Pansy Parkinson

Oh, no.

She snatched up the bottle.

Pansy Parkinson

Enzo. This is Draco’s.

Lorenzo Berkshire

Yes?

Pansy Parkinson

His imported shampoo.

Lorenzo Berkshire

I know. Lovely fragrance.

Pansy Parkinson

Do you have any idea how much this costs?

Lorenzo Berkshire

Not particularly.

Pansy turned the bottle upside down. A single, tragic drop fell into her palm. For a moment, she simply stared.

Pansy Parkinson

Draco is going to murder you.

Enzo blinked.

Lorenzo Berkshire

Bit dramatic.

Pansy Parkinson

He’s going to murder you, and I’m going to have to explain to McGonagall why there’s a body in the bathroom.

The Niffler sneezed. A tiny bubble settled on its nose. Enzo smiled down at it, utterly besotted.

Lorenzo Berkshire

Oh, look at him.

Pansy’s expression wavered. The Niffler blinked up at her, clutching its stolen cufflink with both paws.

Pansy Parkinson

Oh, for Merlin’s sake. glances at Y/N They are disgustingly cute.

Lorenzo Berkshire

grinning Thank you!

Pansy Parkinson

That wasn’t a compliment, Berkshire. You’re still going to die.

Then the bathroom door opened. Draco Malfoy stepped inside. He surveyed the flooded floor. The floating bubbles. Berkshire in his swim trunks. The suspiciously clean Niffler. His eyes settled on the bottle in Pansy’s hand. Silence.

Draco Malfoy

very quietly Why are you holding my shampoo?

Pansy closed her eyes.

Lorenzo Berkshire

brightening Oh, Draco! Perfect timing!

Draco’s gaze snapped toward him.

Lorenzo Berkshire

lifting the Niffler proudly Come feel how soft he is!

Draco stared. His eyes moved from the Niffler to the bubbles, then back to his nearly empty bottle. His face went an alarming shade of pink.

Draco Malfoy

Berkshire.

Lorenzo Berkshire

Yes?

Draco Malfoy

IS THAT MY SHAMPOO ON A BLOODY NIFFLER?!

The Niffler squeaked. Enzo immediately frowned.

Lorenzo Berkshire

Draco, don’t shout. You’ll frighten him.

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