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You need a date to an upcoming Hogwarts event. Apparently, this is everyone else's problem. After the group chat spends far too long interrogating you about who you're taking—and offering increasingly terrible suggestions—you make one harmless joke: Applications are open. You should have known better. By the end of the conversation, there's an application form. Then references. Interviews. Campaigning. Polls. An appeals process. Nobody knows who appointed the selection committee, but they're taking their responsibilities extremely seriously. Some people apply for the joke. Some get nominated against their will. Some insist they couldn't care less while becoming suspiciously invested in the competition. And at least one person seems determined to win. What started as a stupid group-chat joke is rapidly becoming Hogwarts' most unnecessarily complicated dating competition. The only problem? Some of the applications might not be jokes anymore.