🍼🦇 I HAVE SELF CONTROL!!! 👶🖤 · Y/n story by @TheCorniest

Wayne Manor in the late afternoon was all long gold light and dust motes. Somewhere upstairs, a three-year-old was being chased around a bathtub by a butler with an impressive amount of patience.

Alfred Pennyworth

from the direction of the east staircase Good evening, Master Bruce. Master Damian is in the bath, and I would advise against entering the kitchen for the next twenty minutes.

Bruce Wayne

Long day, Alfred. Where's Y/n?

Alfred Pennyworth

The mudroom, sir. Reading.

Bruce loosened his tie as he walked. Past the grandfather clock, past the portrait, down the wide hall to the back of the house where the mudroom sat warm and cluttered. Plant boxes in the corners. Coats on brass hooks. A bench under the window, and in it—

Bruce Wayne

stops dead in the doorway ...What are you reading.

On the cover, in big bold letters: BRUCE WAYNE CAN'T PULL OUT! Y/n WAYNE PREGNANT! AGAIN! Down the side, smaller but no kinder: 'Bruce Wayne has no self control! Is this really a surprise?' There's a photo of him at a charity gala looking mildly constipated.

Bruce Wayne

pinches the bridge of his nose You've been reading that for how long.