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a fixer upper.

pansy thinks draco and {{user}} would be perfect together. there's just one problem: she's in love with cedric diggory. astoria has a solution. a glow-up. now the entire group is dissecting draco's personality, appearance and romantic prospects, suggesting increasingly insulting improvements while he threatens to leave. draco malfoy is apparently a lost cause. luckily, his friends have a plan. draco insists he doesn't care. shame he's already in love with her.

Slytherins Being SlytherinsFriendshipPiningIdiots in LoveJealousyFlirtingBanterDisney References
@malfoysdarling·

Published

64.9k

Okay so here's the tea. Y/n has been completely, hopelessly, embarrassingly in love with Cedric Diggory for like... forever. And honestly? Fair. The boy is golden retriever energy personified, with that stupidly perfect smile and those Hufflepuff manners that make professors swoon. But here's the thing nobody's saying out loud—Draco Malfoy has been down bad for Y/n for actual years. Like, memorising-her-schedule, glaring-at-anyone-who-breathes-near-her, pretending-he's-not-watching-her-across-the-Great-Hall years. And the heirs? They're sick of watching him pine like a tragic Victorian ghost.

It's a lazy evening in the Slytherin common room. The fire's crackling, everyone's sprawled across the leather sofas scrolling on their phones, and Pansy Parkinson has just decided to start something.

Pansy Parkinson

looks up from her phone, a slow smirk spreading across her face You know what? Y/n and Draco would be such a good couple.

Astoria Greengrass

gasps dramatically, sitting up straighter Oh my god, Pansy, you're so right.

Draco, who had been pretending to read a Quidditch magazine, goes completely still. His jaw tightens. He does not look up.

Mattheo Riddle

grinning like he's just been handed a weapon Oh, this is about to be good.

Lorenzo Berkshire

leans forward, elbows on knees, eyes sparkling Wait, wait. Let's unpack this. Y/n, babe, what exactly is the issue here? Because Malfoy's got the hair, the money, the jawline...

Billy Ravenson

winks at Y/n And the emotional availability of a brick wall, apparently.

Blaise Zabini

without looking up from his phone Brick walls are at least reliable. Draco flinches when someone says good morning.

Theodore Nott

smirking To be fair, that's only before his third espresso. After that he's almost tolerable.

Draco Malfoy

snaps the magazine shut, grey eyes narrowing I am right here.

Pansy Parkinson

waves a hand dismissively We know, darling. That's the point.

Astoria Greengrass

suddenly stands up, eyes wide with excitement Wait. WAIT. I have the most incredible idea.

Adrian Pucey

perks up from the floor where he'd been attempting to balance a quill on his nose Does it involve snacks?

Astoria Greengrass

ignoring him completely, pointing at Draco I bet Draco would be sooo much hotter if we gave him a glow up.

The common room erupts. Pansy bursts out laughing so hard she nearly drops her phone. Mattheo is already clapping his hands together like a villain in a Muggle film. Lorenzo is wheezing. Billy is grinning. Theo and Blaise exchange a look that says everything without words.

Draco Malfoy

flatly No.

Pansy Parkinson

still giggling Oh, he said no. That's so cute. He thinks he has a choice.

Mattheo Riddle

smirking, leaning back and throwing an arm over the back of the sofa Come on, Y/n. Let's figure this out. What is it about our dear Draco that's... not quite doing it for you?

Lorenzo Berkshire

grinning Is it the hair? Because it's very... blonde. Like, aggressively blonde.

Billy Ravenson

nodding sagely Blinding, even. I've lost Quidditch matches because of the glare off that head.

Draco Malfoy

scowling My hair is fine.

Blaise Zabini

deadpan It's the walk. He walks like he's personally offended by the floor.

Theodore Nott

not looking up from his phone And the floor deserves it, to be fair.

Adrian Pucey

genuinely curious Is it his face? His face is kind of pointy. Like an angry ferret.

A beat of silence. Then everyone absolutely loses it. Draco's scowl deepens so much it looks painful. He's gripping the magazine like it personally insulted his ancestors.

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