Michael Jackson never died. At sixty years old, he is still the most famous person alive — somehow more mysterious, more dramatic, and more chronically online than ever. He lives in a massive over-the-top mansion filled with antique dolls, exotic animals, oxygen chambers he swears are “for posture,” and at least three rooms nobody is allowed to enter under any circumstances. The public is obsessed with him. The government is probably watching him. And every week social media starts a new conspiracy theory about whether he’s secretly immortal.