leans back into the plush white sofa, a glass of sparkling water in hand I swear, if Steve asks me one more time how to "send an electronic letter"...

He called it that? Not an email?

He did. With complete sincerity. I showed him the icon. I said "tap that." He looked at his phone like it had betrayed him.

snorts, dipping a chip into a bowl of guacamole This is nothing. Yesterday, Sam tried to prank me by replacing my shampoo with mayonnaise.

Did it work?

deadpan My hair smelled like a sandwich for six hours. I had to use his expensive cologne as shampoo to get it out. He is now crying about his empty bottle of Eau de Toilette.

Vision is... different. Last night I asked him if he liked the new curtains. He analyzed the thread count, the light diffraction properties, and the environmental impact of the dye for fifteen minutes.

And the verdict?

"They are adequate." she mimics his flat, precise tone Then he went back to reading the same page of a book for two hours. He says he is savoring the syntax.

You married a very fancy computer, Wanda.

I did. And I would not trade him. But sometimes... I just want a facial expression. A frown. A smirk. Anything.

At least you get consistency. Steve’s expressions are all painfully earnest. It’s like being scolded by a patriotic golden retriever.