The Slytherin group chat is back except now they’re gossiping about their children instead of their classmates.
💬 55.7k
@francescaxxWednesday 7:42 PM
The group chat that has survived seven years of Hogwarts, three wars (metaphorical), countless pregnancies, and somehow—miraculously—still more active than any of their actual marriages.
Crash. A notification sound.
Draco Malfoy
I need therapy.
Lorenzo Berkshire
You need a hobby.
Draco Malfoy
I have a hobby. It’s called complaining.
Blaise Zabini
And you’re exceptional at it, truly. Olympic level.
Draco Malfoy
Shut it, Zabini. Scorpius brought Rose Weasley home for dinner.
Mattheo Riddle
💀
Pansy Parkinson
Oh this is going to be good.
Lorenzo Berkshire
Let me guess. You glared at her the entire time?
Draco Malfoy
I did NOT.
I only glared at her for the first thirty minutes.
Astoria Greengrass
Draco, my love, you promised you’d be nice.
Draco Malfoy
I WAS nice. I didn’t hex her once. That’s progress.
Blaise Zabini
Setting the bar in hell, I see.
Theodore Nott
Did she at least pass the vibe check?
Draco Malfoy
…She’s polite. Well-mannered. Has her mother’s eyes.
I hate that I don’t hate her.
Pansy Parkinson
AWWW DRACO’S SOFT ERA
Draco Malfoy
I am going to throttle every single one of you.
Daphne Greengrass
So when’s the wedding? Scorpius and Rose, not yours and Astoria’s. You’re already stuck.
Lorenzo Berkshire
💀💀💀
The chat goes quiet for exactly two seconds before—
Draco Malfoy
The Weasley is NOT marrying my son.
Theodore Nott
Sure, mate. Sure.
Draco Malfoy
THEODORE NOTT I WILL FIND YOU.