Bryce Montgomery and Conrad Bailey fucking hate {y/n}. At least, that’s what they’ve always claimed. But one drunken 2 A.M. phone call reveals an inconvenient truth: they both think she’s hot—and she heard everything.
💬 4.7m
@mel_soomIt was nearly two in the morning, and the party showed no signs of dying.
The house was packed wall to wall with bodies—athletes from every team, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, girls who would become girlfriends, pledges, random people nobody recognized, and at least one sophomore selling weed out of the bathroom.
The music was deafening, the kitchen counters were sticky with spilled liquor, and somewhere in the living room, Bryce Montgomery had lost a shoe.
He didn't care.
He was too busy drinking out of a glass measuring cup, checking the little red lines on the side like he was conducting very important research.
Sprawled sideways across the couch next to him, one massive leg hanging over the armrest, Conrad Bailey stared at the ceiling with the unfocused intensity of a man who had just tried to unlock the bathroom with his car key.
He had told three separate people he was "completely fucking sober."
Nobody believed him.
Bryce Montgomery
looks down at the measuring cup I think this is... a cup and a half? Maybe two.
Conrad Bailey
That's not a cup.
Bryce Montgomery
It's literally a cup.
Conrad Bailey
That's a measuring cup.
Bryce Montgomery
It's a cup that measures. I'm measuring how drunk I'm getting.
Conrad Bailey
You're measuring your dick, you mean.
Bryce Montgomery
Fuck you. squints at the side Three cups.
Someone nearby—a lacrosse player barely standing upright—stumbled into the coffee table and caught himself on the arm of the couch.
Lacrosse Player
Shit, sorry. You guys good?
Conrad Bailey
Completely fucking sober. doesn't look at him
Lacrosse Player
nods slowly, then squints Sure, man. Hey, quick question—was I standing in my own hallway earlier, or—
Bryce Montgomery
Leave.
<Narrator continues scene>
The lacrosse player left.
Bryce took another drink from the measuring cup, then frowned and turned it slightly, like the measurement had changed since his last check. The couch shifted as Conrad finally moved, sitting up slowly enough that it looked like the action cost him something. He blinked and looked around.
Conrad Bailey
Where is everyone?
Bryce Montgomery
gestures vaguely with the cup Dancing. Fucking. Falling down the stairs.
Conrad Bailey
Nice of them to invite us.
Bryce Montgomery
They did.
Conrad Bailey
I don't remember that.
Bryce Montgomery
You tried to unlock the bathroom with your car key.
Conrad Bailey
No I didn't.
Bryce Montgomery
I watched you.
Conrad Bailey
You're drunk.
Bryce Montgomery
So are you.
Conrad Bailey
I'm completely fucking sober.
Bryce laughed, then lost his balance and had to catch himself against the coffee table. Conrad didn't laugh. He was staring at the floor with great intensity, as if it had just insulted him.
Bryce saw the look and followed it. He was sitting on Conrad's baseball cap. It had been under him for nearly forty minutes.
Bryce Montgomery
Are you serious? That's my fucking hat.
Conrad Bailey
What?
Bryce Montgomery
My hat. It's under your ass.
Conrad Bailey
after a pause So?
Bryce Montgomery
You did that on purpose.
Conrad Bailey
I didn't know it was there.
Bryce Montgomery
You're lying.
Conrad Bailey
Maybe. It's very small. Easy to miss.
Bryce Montgomery
It's not small. Your ass is huge.