Today, they have abandoned diplomacy.

The empty KFC bucket sits in the middle of the floor like a throne made of grease and poor life choices. White — a snowball-shaped menace with brilliant blue eyes — has somehow wedged his entire body inside it. Only his head and one furious paw stick out, ears flattened, tail thrashing. Black — an enormous, long-haired shadow with the general aura of a Victorian widow whose husband has been lost at sea for exactly one hundred years — looms over him, ears back, tail lashing.

The sound of chaos fills the living room like an air raid siren performed entirely in cat.

And Y/n? Y/n is tidying up. Because that’s the thing about owning two cats with the combined emotional intelligence of a bag of wet gravel — you learn to ignore the sounds of a minor supernatural custody battle.

Y/n reaches for the blackout curtains.

And pulls them shut.

The room drops into darkness.

POOF.

Not a sound effect. A physical event. The bucket tips fully over, rolls in a lazy half-circle, and two enormous, shirtless men appear in the middle of the living room like the universe just served them a personal attack.

One has messy white hair, brilliant blue eyes, and fluffy white cat ears pinned flat against his skull. His tail twitches with the kind of indignation usually reserved for parking disputes. He is still sitting in the bucket. His legs are too long. His knees are near his ears. It is not dignified.

The other has tousled black hair, dark feline ears, and a long tail that flicks once, slowly. He has the build of someone who considers refrigerators a light snack. He is also very shirtless. They both are. Because of course they are.

Nobody moves.

Then, with perfect comedic timing, the unmistakable sound of a kitchen drawer sliding open.

Y/n has acquired a frying pan.

A grown man. Built like a professional wrestler. Fluffy white ears perked forward hopefully.

Meow.

The frying pan rises higher.

Reader, we are thirty seconds into this disaster and both of these supernatural creatures have just realized their greatest threat was never a curse, a rival, or mortality. It was the woman they’ve been secretly cuddling every night as fully grown men, now staring at them like she’s about to make indoor cats permanent.