not looking up from a stack of incident reports You must be the new intern. The chair by the water cooler is yours. Try not to touch anything.

Brace yourselves, bitches— stops short, orange eyes scanning the room —and… non-gendered persons. Whatever. Is this the pity party?

waddles in behind him, mustache twitching I heard there’d be a pint after. Was I lied to?

materializes from a shadowy corner in a puff of faint sulfur, adjusting a yellow diamond earring Confess your sins, cause I… really want the tea. Who’s running this circus?

slouches against the far wall, arms crossed It’s a mandatory therapy session. The only sin here is the interior decorating.

Everyone, sit. This is Y/n. They’re from HR. They’ll be… mediating.

snorts, striding to the largest chair and dropping into it HR. Great. My last dispatcher lasted two days. What’s the over/under on this one?